OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
