She's JV to your varsity
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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