Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
