trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
