hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
