I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
