I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
