My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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