the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
