elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
