Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I wish there were birth control emojis
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
