I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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