All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
