He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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