I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
