I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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