yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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