just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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