STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
