Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
