he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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