wakey wakey hands off snakey
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
