why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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