Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
