You made me cry and you don't even care
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
