There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
