found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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