I'm really into asian looking animals
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
