At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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