Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
