so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
