he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
