If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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