You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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