my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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