Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
