Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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