I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
