My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
