dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
