I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
