You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
