Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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