I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
