Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
