We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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