:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
