we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
