If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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