I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
