Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
