Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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