It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
