she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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