you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Fuck appropriateness.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
