anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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