its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
