Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
